One of the most important ways to calm down is to hold on even in the most challenging of situations to a distinction between what someone does and what someone meant to do. Like for example, the outcome of a murder and a man slaughter is the same but the intentions are totally different.
Very seldom we tend to escalate a tension or an argument if though it is not warranted. Part of the reason why we readily jump to dark conclusions and see plots to insult and harm us is a rather psychological phenomenon i.e. self-hatred. The more we hate ourselves the more we appear in our own eyes as a target for mockery and harm. We instantly get angry when we hear a drill operator work right outside, or when the phone operator takes a lot of time to gather our information.
In most cases we get angry and feel that they are intentionally directed towards us. The problem is that when we keep thinking of the negative aspect of ourselves all the time no matter what even the little of disturbance will make us feel very agitated and we tend to lose our calm.
Expectations are always build in our childhood. When an adult forces us to do something and we fail to do that we are generally given negative feedbacks. That slowly but steadily build into frustration and during adultery we tend to take matter into our own hands and react abnormally to criticism.
Why don’t we react angrily when a child throws away our stuff or gets angry on us? It is because we consider that they must be having problems that they cannot express and as a result of that is reacting in such a manner. This same principle has to be followed with adults too. We must always look for the source of the agony that draws someone to behave in a certain way that may not be acceptable to us. The calming thought is to imagine that they are suffering offstage in some area we can’t see. To be mature is to learn to imagine the source of pain in spite of the lack of much available evidence.
When others madden us, we need to imagine the turmoil, disappointment, worry and sadness beneath an aggressive surface. We need to aim compassion in an unexpected place and those who annoy us most. We must move from anger to pity.